Saturday, March 31, 2012

Broken.

I think sometimes I forget how broken this world is, how broken I am. I get going about my day, smiles here, hugs there. And I guess I just forget. Forget that even though I'm here loving and serving and we are all desperately trying to pour into these kids lives, I can't fix them. Nothing on this earth is going to fix it. We're all just broken and desperately need Jesus.

I was confronted full force by this reality last Sunday. It was the end of visiting day at the orphanage. The day where moms and dads come to visit their kids and spend a few hours together. Every child handles their parent's departure differently. Some just calmly walk away, some run smiling to catch up with friends, oddly enough, they usually don't cry. I think it's this fact that lulls me into thinking that this is somehow "ok" that somehow it isn't affecting them. Everything I know about child psychology tells me differently but sometimes, it's just too hard to remember how much pain is experienced by these kids I love so much. Well on this Sunday, I was watching the goodbye between a mom and two little girls and I was hit full force by the weight of their pain, the brokenness of the situation. I watched as they clung to her, not baring to let go. They cried and screamed as she tried to walk away. Finally some other girls distracted them and their mom took of running. With this the older of the two girls threw herself on the concrete in front of the dining hall and just sobbed. Big screaming, heaving cries for her mommy.

Like I said, I had been watching this all go down. So I walked over, scooped her up and carried her in for dinner. But I had no words. All I could think was, this is so messed up. What was I supposed to even say to calm her down? Nothing seemed enough. So we just sat there until she calmed down enough to eat some dinner and then I left. For me, it was a full force reminder of just how broken and messed up this whole thing is.

   “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

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